Fade
by Hardyzschic
Summary: This is the next part to my Songs from the Soul series. It is set to the song Fade by Staind. Jeff's dad dies and he is rejected once again by his ex. Feeling there is no one in the world he can talk to he contimplates suicide but is stopped bya supris


Fade  
By: Hardyzschic  
  
  
  
I try to breathe  
Memories overtaking me  
I try to face them but  
the thought is too  
Much to conceive  
  
Jeff sat in the bathroom floor of his hotel room. His knees pulled up tightly against his chest. He hated himself when he got like this, but there was nothing he could do now. Matt and Amy had gone out to grab a pizza, and he was all-alone in the room. At the moment he felt like he was all-alone in the world. He hated being alone now because it seemed like every time he was alone all he thought of was her. He couldn't believe it was really over.   
She had been his everything, his world, and his reason for being. He had even said in the magazine about them, he had said that she was him. He hated her now though. Hated her with every inch of his soul. But he still loved her with all his heart. He just couldn't understand. How could someone be so heartless? How could someone let three years of a committed relationship go by without a second thought? How could she leave him just when he needed her most? First she had taken his best friend. She had cheated on him, with Shannon of all people. Shannon, he thought, and as the image of his best friend snaked its way into his mind, the pain became fresh all over again. She had been totally awful to him for months because she couldn't admit to what she was doing. He had been clueless, and with one single action she and her new lover had ripped out his heart and left him bleeding in the dust.   
Pain pulsed through his veins as memories flooded his mind. This must be what Hell is like, he thought sadly to himself. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, and he wanted to throw things. He had done all that though and nothing seemed to help. So he sat curled up in a knot and let the pain consume him.  
  
I only know that I can change  
Everything else just stays the same  
So now I step out of the darkness  
That my life became 'cause  
  
It really didn't matter how upset he got. It wasn't going to change anything and deep inside he knew that. She would still be gone and Shannon would still be with her but worse than that his dad would still be dead. Gilbert had died the week after she left him. What little semblance of a life he had left had begun spiraling uncontrollably after that and for once in his life he couldn't talk to his big brother about his problems. Matt was grieving too. Even though it had been over a month now and they were back on the road, he could still see it in his brother's eyes from time to time. Matt realized, just as he did, as far as family went, they were all alone now. At least Matt had Amy to talk to, and Jeff could tell that she had helped his brother a lot. Though he knew she would be more than glad to listen, he wasn't about to burden his friend with his grief as well. What had he done when he first heard the news that his dad had died? Instinctively he had gone to her. He could kick himself now, but that's what he had done. He had turned up on her doorstep at three in the morning, in the pouring rain, desperately needing someone to talk to.  
He knew now that was perhaps the stupidest thing he could have done. She wasn't the least bit loving, the way he had so wanted to remember her. She had answered the door, wearing a little lacy housecoat that he had seen many times before. It hadn't dawned on him just then what was going on though, he had just been too upset to realize what should have been as plain as the nose on his face. "Jeff for crying out loud its three o'clock in the morning, what the heck do you want?" she demanded, obviously perturbed by his intrusion. Then he heard another voice, coming from the stairwell, it was a voice he knew all to well. "Who is it honey?" Shannon asked. As thunder clapped and lightning flashed behind him, Jeff stared in shock as reality hit him square in the face. Without another word he turn and ran into the night. He ran till pains shot through his side and he had to stop. He bent over trying to catch his breath and wait till the pain subsided. It was pitch black and rain poured all around him. He had felt like the weather was at that exact moment an extension of his very soul. The pain in his side subsided but he didn't continue. He had given in to the other overwhelming pain that was consuming him. He sank slowly to his knees then, letting lose a moan of pure agony. His body began to shake and then, he gave into the tears. He curled up in a knot then and let go of his emotions. His body racked with sobs, he had lain there for hours crying. Truth be known though, he thought remorsefully, it hadn't helped a thing. Everything was still the same.  
  
  
I just needed someone to talk to   
You were just too busy with yourself  
You were never there for me to  
Express how I felt  
I just stuffed it down  
Now I'm older and I feel like  
I could let some of this anger fade  
But it seems the surface  
I am scratching  
Is the bed that I have made  
  
Oh will you just snap out of it already, you're absolutely pathetic, he thought to himself. "You've got to get up, wash your face, and get on with your life," he said, trying to psyche himself up, but instead he remained where he was seated. He remained rooted in his pain and still overcome with memories.   
He was tired of the pain, he was tired of the memories, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't make them go away. Nothing seemed to help, not even the sleeping pills the doctor had given him right after his dad died. Looking around he spotted that familiar bottle on the tile counter just a few feet from where he sat. If I could just reach up and get them he thought. I could pop the top and just pour them into my hand. The pain would end. The memories would stop. It would all be over then. Taking a deep breath and scooting forward a little bit he reached up. His hand had just firmly clasped the container of pills, when there was a knock at the door. Maybe if I ignore it, whoever it is will just go away, he thought to himself staring down at the container of pills he now held in his hand. He started to twist the top off but another knock came, this time harder and seemingly more persistent. Standing slowly he placed the bottle back on the counter and then said "hang on I'm coming." He left the bathroom, and looking at the clock as he walked toward the door he was surprised to find that he had been in there for close to three hours. I seriously must be losing my mind, he thought as he grasped the doorknob and opened the door. He was surprised to see Nora standing on the other side. She smiled her usually friendly bubbly smile and then spoke "Hi Jeff, Amy and I are sharing the room down the hall and before she left she mentioned that she didn't think that you were feeling so hot, so I thought I'd come check on you, and maybe even keep you company if you didn't mind." She smiled expectantly, waiting for his response. He stared at her for a moment. Nothing but shock registered in his brain, she was going out of her way to be friendly to him. She was there and a gut instinct told him she would listen if he needed to talk. Jeff smiled and thought to himself; maybe the world isn't so rotten after all. Looking over his shoulder at the bathroom, he knew the pills could wait for now, he had found a different way to end his pain, at least for a little bit. "Yeah Nora," he said pushing the door open wider and motioning her in "I could really use the company. I've been needing someone to talk to."  
  
So where were you  
When all this I was going through  
You never took the time to ask me   
Just what you could do  
  
  
  
(The song lyrics in the story come from a song entitled Fade by Staind.)  



End file.
